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JULIE'S DAUGHTER

At age 13 I got married to a young man and by age 14 I was delivering a baby girl named Melony   During the pregnancy, the doctors discovered that the baby had a serious heart condition and along with my mother they urged me to have an abortion.  I became very stubborn and would not even think of it.  I wanted to have this baby.

The labor was very painful and I almost died, and the baby was born with a congenital heart condition, so her body was bluish because it wasn’t receiving enough oxygen due to the twisted ventricles and hole in her heart chamber.  After the birth I had a bad temperature that wouldn’t go down and the doctors who were checking up on me kept telling me to stop crying and relax but I was very upset and wouldn’t listen to them.

A few days later I walked to the ICU and asked a nurse where my baby was.  She had been placed into an incubator so she can get enough oxygen. She was a beautiful baby girl with big blue eyes.  I put in my hands and stroked her hair and face.  Despite her condition, I had no regrets giving birth to her.

After several days, she was sent home to my mother’s house and my mother took control over everything immediately.  I was afraid of the baby and would not allow myself to bond with her.  I guess it was fear and denial, and to others I must have come across as extremely cold.  One very late night, I walked over to her bassinet and stood over her.  She seemed peaceful but I wasn’t sure if she was suffering because she could not breath.  I suddenly had a thought that maybe I should have listened to everyone and had that abortion.  I did not want to see a little baby girl go through hell, suffer and then die just because I had wanted her.  A thought crossed my mind that night which terrified me.  I left home that night and I never looked back.

Years went by and the baby had many surgeries, and she did go through hell, without her mother of course.  At six years old she had a simple procedure, a heart cath.  I don’t know what really happened but she had many strokes.  My mother called and told me to please hurry and come to Ohio's children's hospital where she was.  I was living in Minnesota at the time and arrived the next day. Melony was comatose and the doctors did not give her much time.

After several months of waiting she came out of the coma and it was determined that she had paralysis to her left side and her motor skills were damaged.  The cardiologist, Dr Myers, gave my mother some song and dance as to why this happened to her.

After all that she had surgery to repair much of her heart problem.  She still has a valve that leaks, she still has a slight limp and stiffness in her hand but she survived.  I was never there for her and I feel it every day.  When I went to prison she was the one person who wrote me every week.  She was there for me.

We are close now, I do not deserve her love but I am happy to have it.  She is a beautiful woman inside and out.  Her life was far from easy, she had many surgeries, very painful I am sure.  She still lives with my mom and she has a nice life and a great job.  She loves animals and has such a wonderful outlook on life even though she almost lost it several times.  She is in my life now and I forgive myself for her although I can never make up the time we lost.

After I ran from my daughter and my early life, I met up with a girl named Janet who told me she was a dancer at the Hustler club in Cincinnati, Ohio.  I felt so excited at the thought of dancing in a club. She took me to the club on Walnut Street down town for a try out.  I was not sure if they would hire me, I had no ID at all and was only 15 years old.  The girl picked some music from the juke box and I got up and danced.  It was fun and I loved dancing.  I was hired right away and started the next day.

My body bounced right back after the baby. I was pretty, blond, with a nice body, and naturally busty.  I made $125 a week plus hustled drinks and received a commission.  Something was always bothering me and nagging at me and I think it was the baby but I just worked, partied and would not allow myself to think of Melony.

I dated men on the side for money , I stayed up stairs from the club in the Angel apartments.  Larry Flynt had an apartment up there as well. The club was fun, but I ended up leaving there and going across the street to another club called the Palace.  It seemed I could never stay anywhere too long, I had to keep moving.  I was always a loner for such a young girl. I felt a sense of freedom and I would never stop to look back.  It was like I was running from something and I needed to keep going.  I realized that a pretty girl could get just about anything she wanted and I played on that all the time. This was the beginning of my life in the world of sex for money.

The only thing I really regret is not getting an education and not getting closer to my little girl.

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